Thursday, May 19, 2011

We're ready for that miracle, God.

Mommy was scheduled to start the oral chemo, Tarceva, on the 27th, but we are still waiting to receive the drug. The delay is mainly due to our stupid insurance company taking over a week to approve the drug and then charging $3700 dollars each month for the prescription. These past few weeks, I've been in contact with various copayment assistance organizations and drug companies, and we were finally approved today to receive free Tarceva from Genentech. In the three weeks, mommy's cough has worsened and she has also developed back pain(a 9 out of 10 on the pain scale), either due to the pressure from coughing constantly or from the cancer occupying more area in her lungs. She's also complained of heavyness in her chest. When she coughs now, she bends over in pain with her left hand pressed to her back. I feel so useless seeing her this way, unable to soothe her or to make the pain go away. Two days before my graduation, I am worrying about what to do if my mom needs to go the ER during my ceremony. And what about chapter camp? How can I allow myself to be three hours away from her without phone reception for 6 days?

God, seriously, if you have a miracle planned for mommy, now is the time to reveal it to us.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Date juice

Mommy just walked into my room holding a thermos of hung jo soiy (date juice/water/soup?)which is supposed to fix my poor circulation. My heart nearly exploded with love at the sight of her in her polar bear pajamas with an oversized red hat on her fuzzy, round head. Sometimes I wonder if it's possible to faint or go into cardiac arrest from too much joy. When she smiles at me with her scrunched up, dimpled face, every molecule in my body feels so saturated with overwhelming love, joy, and goodness that I just want to scream or explode! This must be how it feels like to find true love! I am so, so in love with my mommy!

Sunday, May 8, 2011