Monday, July 18, 2011

It's getting increasingly difficult to update this blog

It's hard for me to explain everything, because that requires me to face our current situation and then share it, but we desperately need love, support, prayer, so here we go... Mommy's cancer is growing in different areas and causing her a lot of pain and fatigue. She spends the majority of her day sleeping and the rest of it grumpy from pain, yelling at me for doing things wrong, but we still have good moments. I am the mommy now, and I do everything for her including cooking, cleaning, towelling and dressing her. My favorite moment of the day is when I tuck her into bed, give her a kiss on the forehead, and tell her that I love her so, so much.

In terms of treatment, the doctor decided last month to stop treatment and re-evaluate on the 28th of this month whether we should stop altogether. It all depends on how much energy and strength she has, but by the looks of it, she won't be continuing. For now, I am harassing her radiation doctor via e-mail and phone messages to start treatment on other trouble spots like her supraclavicular lymph nodes, clavicle, and hips, but I am having trouble reaching him. We would really like to reduce her pain so that she will be able to travel and have a bit of fun. Hawaii and Hong Kong are at the top of Mommy's travel list.

My dad is difficult. He's constantly trying to explain every symptom and pain, always rationalizing everything. Family members are frequently calling with advice on nutrition, treatment options, etc.. I don't know how to tell them that there isn't much more we can do. It has been difficult to hold on to hope, i'd like to continue hoping, but the practical, realistic side of me feels like we need to accept what's coming soon. Dr. Jahan says she may be here for only a few more months. It(I can't even type it out) is inevitable and it is coming soon.

Thank you for remembering us and showering us with love, support, prayer, baked goods, flowers, and your company. Please keep praying for us, keep asking for a miracle, especially now when we are all losing hope.

1 comment: